I keep telling myself that there are other boys
that for every female in this city, there are three males.
But god knows I might even learn to love a girl.
At night, when my hands begin to ache and my eyes
are veined and stinging, when I slip my phone
beneath the pillow and there’s only darkness,
I postpone sleep with thoughts of people whom I could
possibly love and who could quite possibly,
love me in return.
They are all strangers. Just figments. Faces.
It always starts with the line of their jaw and from there,
the possibilities are endless.
Sometimes it’s their smile that brightens their face
other times, they don’t even seem to know how to
or maybe they’ve forgotten, and the idea
of becoming the reason for them to be happy is what
I live for. Sometimes they have skin like nightsky
and I imagine nuzzling into them to ward away the cold.
Other times, they’ve got papery skin that gets reduced
to pulp so easily with a single drop of tear.
And so, I write
before it’s too late.
But after the story’s been written, they all end the same way,
with you. You breaking my heart. You telling me
you love me. You asking me to stay. You, you,
MJL, and i honestly don’t know what comes after the tragedy (request)
This was so perfect
Sometimes the light isn’t
always warming and instead
of the darkness holding demons,
it only hides them so you
cant see them and
its better to be afraid of
what you cant see than what
you can because only
some friends show their
faces when the suns up.
Everything else, demons and
monsters alike, are too afraid
to be seen as what they
truly are and if you
dont think thats sad
then you dont know what
it feels like to be an outcast.
Be careful who you trust your
words with because those
friends who rise and fall with
the patterns of the sun have
never seen the 12 hours of
madness that comes with
Even the most sacred of
angels fall, after all.
and then we weren’t
sometimes people fall asleep in love
and wake up empty
sometimes people fall asleep
and don’t wake up at all
and it hurts
until it doesn’t
and you don’t always feel it at first
but when you feel it
oh god do you feel it
and sometimes we bleed ourselves
dry before we can feel okay again
and sometimes the scars don’t fade
like the doctor said they would
and i know sometimes I come home
with my knees torn apart and
lips that taste like cherries and blood
and one day I’ll be spitting up your
name and I won’t be able to taste
anything but you
and I can’t stop my heart from falling
out of it’s chest
and I can’t fall asleep knowing that I
might wake up and not be yours
because tonight we are
but who knows if you’ll still love me in the morning
to build a home || the cinematic orchestra
and I built a home
for you, for me
until it disappeared
from me, from you
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
breathe me / sia